O’Rourke vivisects the overblown ‘legacy’ of Woodstock. My Inner Sanctum has often heard me drunkenly railing against the pernicious cultural and political influence of the demographically dominant Baby Boomers. When yet ANOTHER glowingly sentimental film about Woodstock was released this year (to the sound of one hand flopping) I groaned and cast my gaze heavenward for mercy. These people need to get over themselves. I mean, I love you and everything, but let’s get a little wind in our sails that isn’t blowing from the foetid nostalgia of your failed ‘revolution,’ SHALL WE?? Here’s some Change We Can Believe In: abolish the dominance of the ex-hippies!
My post-Boomer manifesto would demand the decimation of the following tired phenomena:
1. ‘Classic rock’ and ‘golden oldie’ radio (not to mention ALL ‘drive-time’ djs.) Go smoke on your OWN water. We are nauseated by the endless repetition, for DECADES now, of the same 16 songs played in heavy rotation on your boring radio stations!
2. The greying Left’s insistence on ineffectual pacifism in the face of state violence. Please note the qualifier ‘ineffectual.’ I do believe in effective pacifism, but it requires ACTION and SACRIFICE, and cannot be replaced by permitted marches that shuffle in an orderly fashion through liberal city centers at lunchtime, stopping for every traffic light, smiling for the surveillance videos. Gandhi’s movement started with economic sabotage of the British salt monopoly. And guess what? People had to be willing to DIE in order for pacifism to make lasting change.
3. The current greenwashing delusion that environmental catastrophe can be averted through shopping with unbleached organic cotton grocery bags. I cannot stomach the fact that the generation responsible for creating the go-go hyperconsumerist maxed-credit ethos of the last 2 decades is now trying to re-invent itself as a morally upright tribe of innocent forest-dwelling creatures that just feel SO much empathy for Mother Gaia and the national parks and the wittle WHALES. Look, your mistakes are bigger than that. You can’t just switch to organic oatmeal and fake leather and plant some grass on top of your skyscraper and sleep peacefully at night knowing you’re part of the privileged 1% elect that gets to hoard 90% of the resources while everyone else works as your de facto slaves. You care about The Environment? Prove it. Get down to the dirt. Redistribute your ill-gotten goods voluntarily, or the teeming masses might just roll through your gated community some night and do it for you.
4. The mirage that the last civil rights movement has successfully blossomed into a ‘colorblind’ society where race ‘just isn’t that important anymore.’ This is flat-out preposterous. If you’re white, and you’re born and raised in a white-dominated society, you’re a beneficiary of racial privilege, no matter how long you’ve been subscribing to The Nation and listening to sanitized backpack hip hop. Your work is not done yet, not even close. This phenomenon has only gotten worse with the election of Obama (“So articulate! So dignified! Went to Harvard!”) which has allowed the boomers to continue the convulsive back-patting of self-congratulation, as though getting off your bloated ass to vote (which only 63% of registered voters did – and 30% of those eligible to register haven’t even SIGNED UP) and then punching your chad for the black man somehow absolves you of culpability for the 40 years since MLK’s assasination. You abandoned your ideals. You might have marched on Washington, but then you went home. It was enough to shock your parents, but not enough to disrupt the social structure. Get back on the front lines; we’re sick of being cannon fodder in the struggles you should have finished yourselves.
5. The use of the terms ‘revolution’ or ‘revolutionary’ to describe minor brand-retooling or the release of iphone apps. “Revolutionary new product” is an oxymoronic phrase. It serves only to shore up the illusion of significance that you’ve been clinging to so desparately. That motivational speaker? Not revolutionary. Your elegant software solution for process management? Not revolutionary. The sleek new dashboard design in your SUV? Not revolutionary. The latest diet that involves eating only highly processed frozen dinners and attending group-therapeutic self-esteem classes? Not revolutionary. Your kindergentler corporate culture with its trust-building rope courses and benificent toleration for same-sex partner benefits? Not revolutionary. We haven’t had a revolution for more than 200 years, which means we’re about 190 years overdue, according to Thomas Jefferson.
6. I could go on. Really, I could. For hours.
Anyway, O’Rourke is fun to read – check him out. (Don’t be scared; it’ll be Our Little Secret that you’re a closet Weekly Standard reader.)